According to New York publishers, Bill Clinton will get more money for his book than Hillary Clinton got for hers. Well, duh. At least his book has some sex in it.
Jay Leno

Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
Jay Leno

The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
Jay Leno

The crime problem in New York is getting really serious. The other day the Statue of Liberty had both hands up.
Jay Leno

Nevertheless, the number of farmers, small as well as large, who are adopting the new seeds and new technology is increasing very rapidly, and the increase in numbers during the past three years has been phenomenal.
Norman Borlaug

Whether we are New Dealer, Old Dealer, Liberty Leaguer or Red, whether we agree or not, we still have the right to think and speak how we feel.
Lyndon B. Johnson

We are beginning a new era in our government. I cannot too strongly urge the necessity of a rigid economy and an inflexible determination not to enlarge the income beyond the real necessities of the government.
Andrew Jackson

Every diminution of the public burdens arising from taxation gives to individual enterprise increased power and furnishes to all the members of our happy confederacy new motives for patriotic affection and support.
Andrew Jackson

Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.
David Letterman

USA Today has come out with a new survey - apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.
David Letterman

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.
David Letterman

New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move.
David Letterman

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
David Letterman

New York... when civilization falls apart, remember, we were way ahead of you.
David Letterman

Our 'neoconservatives' are neither new nor conservative, but old as Bablyon and evil as Hell.
Edward Abbey

Was it not enough punishment and suffering in history that we were uprooted and made helpless slaves not only in new colonial outposts but also domestically.
Robert Mugabe

I like my body when it is with your body. It is so quite new a thing. Muscles better and nerves more.
e. e. cummings

If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.
Henry Miller

One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.
Henry Miller

The new always carries with it the sense of violation, of sacrilege. What is dead is sacred; what is new, that is different, is evil, dangerous, or subversive.
Henry Miller