There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.
Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.
Erma Bombeck

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
Erma Bombeck

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Erma Bombeck

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.
Erma Bombeck

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.
Erma Bombeck

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.
Erma Bombeck

His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.
Mae West

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity.
Eleanor Roosevelt

A man who has been the indisputable favorite of his mother keeps for life the feeling of a conqueror.
Sigmund Freud

If a man has been his mother's undisputed darling he retains throughout life the triumphant feeling, the confidence in success, which not seldom brings actual success along with it.
Sigmund Freud

Necessity... the mother of invention.
Plato

Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.
Billy Graham

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield

My mother's wonderful. To me she's perfection.
Michael Jackson

Being a housewife and a mother is the biggest job in the world, but if it doesn't interest you, don't do it - I would have made a terrible mother.
Katharine Hepburn