Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
P. J. O'Rourke

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
P. J. O'Rourke

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
Bill Cosby

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Groucho Marx

Rituals are important. Nowadays it's hip not to be married. I'm not interested in being hip.
John Lennon

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Rita Rudner

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

If I get married, I want to be very married.
Audrey Hepburn

It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
Robert Frost

If women were particular about men's characters, they would never get married at all.
George Bernard Shaw

What is virtue but the Trade Unionism of the married?
George Bernard Shaw

I like getting married, but I don't like being married.
Don Adams

I was married awfully young and I felt trapped. My wife had been divorced and all the time we were married we were out of the Church. It wasn't until we were divorced that we became good Catholics again.
Don Adams

In married life three is company and two none.
Oscar Wilde

There's nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It's a thing no married man knows anything about.
Oscar Wilde

The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life.
Oscar Wilde

There is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman. It is a thing no married man knows anything about.
Oscar Wilde

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Henny Youngman