I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
Yogi Berra

I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.
Yogi Berra

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework.
Bill Cosby

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.
Bill Cosby

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.
Bill Cosby

You're dead if you aim only for kids. Adults are only kids grown up, anyway.
Walt Disney

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids.
Erma Bombeck

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Erma Bombeck

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.
Erma Bombeck

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important.
Bill Gates

Asking is the beginning of receiving. Make sure you don't go to the ocean with a teaspoon. At least take a bucket so the kids won't laugh at you.
Jim Rohn

I'm gonna put a curse on you and all your kids will be born completely naked.
Jimi Hendrix

Everything that I love is behind those gates. We have elephants, and giraffes, and crocodiles, and every kind of tigers and lions. And - and we have bus loads of kids, who don't get to see those things. They come up sick children, and enjoy it.
Michael Jackson

I've helped many, many, many children, thousands of children, cancer kids, leukemia kids.
Michael Jackson

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Rodney Dangerfield

Don't force your kids into sports. I never was. To this day, my dad has never asked me to go play golf. I ask him. It's the child's desire to play that matters, not the parent's desire to have the child play. Fun. Keep it fun.
Tiger Woods

Adopted kids are such a pain - you have to teach them how to look like you.
Gilda Radner

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.
Bob Hope

And there's a lot of that stuff with people bringing their kids, kids bringing their parents, people bringing their grandparents - I mean, it's gotten to be really stretched out now. It was never my intention to say, this is the demographics of our audience.
Jerry Garcia