Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: "I'm with you kid. Let's go."
Maya Angelou

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.
Steven Wright

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright

I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. Fields

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Mitch Hedberg

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
Mitch Hedberg

I really had a lot of dreams when I was a kid, and I think a great deal of that grew out of the fact that I had a chance to read a lot.
Bill Gates

Until we're educating every kid in a fantastic way, until every inner city is cleaned up, there is no shortage of things to do.
Bill Gates

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.
Ernest Hemingway

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield

As a kid, I might have been psycho, I guess, but I used to throw golf balls in the trees and try and somehow make par from them. I thought that was fun.
Tiger Woods

The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
P. J. O'Rourke

How does a kid from Coos Bay, with one leg longer than the other win races?
Steve Prefontaine

My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Emo Philips

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips

Treat your kid like a darling for the first five years. For the next five years, scold them. By the time they turn sixteen, treat them like a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.
Chanakya