Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
Steven Wright

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.
Steven Wright

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright

I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?
Andy Warhol

Don't pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches.
Andy Warhol

I never understood why when you died, you didn't just vanish, everything could just keep going on the way it was only you just wouldn't be there. I always thought I'd like my own tombstone to be blank. No epitaph, and no name. Well, actually, I'd like it to say 'figment.'
Andy Warhol

If you want to know all about Andy Warhol, just look at the surface of my paintings and films and me, and there I am. There's nothing behind it.
Andy Warhol

I suppose I have a really loose interpretation of "work," because I think that just being alive is so much work at something you don't always want to do. The machinery is always going. Even when you sleep.
Andy Warhol

I never think that people die. They just go to department stores.
Andy Warhol

Since people are going to be living longer and getting older, they'll just have to learn how to be babies longer.
Andy Warhol

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.
Ogden Nash

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.
Will Rogers

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
Will Rogers

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Will Rogers

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
Will Rogers

Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.
Will Rogers

There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Will Rogers