A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me 'understand' something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country.
Eleanor Roosevelt

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
Voltaire

Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.
Zig Ziglar

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Michel de Montaigne

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
Martin Luther

A good wife is one who serves her husband in the morning like a mother does, loves him in the day like a sister does and pleases him like a prostitute in the night.
Chanakya

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Erma Bombeck

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
Erma Bombeck

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him.
H. L. Mencken

Wealth - any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one's wife's sister's husband.
H. L. Mencken

Whenever a husband and wife begin to discuss their marriage they are giving evidence at a coroner's inquest.
H. L. Mencken

Sometimes I think my husband is so amazing that I don't know why he's with me. I don't know whether I'm good enough. But if I make him happy, then I'm everything I want to be.
Angelina Jolie

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Joan Rivers

Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Ambrose Bierce

I do not want a husband who honours me as a queen, if he does not love me as a woman.
Elizabeth I

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers

A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.
Honore de Balzac