Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.
Zig Ziglar

For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
Erma Bombeck

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.
Erma Bombeck

Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
W. C. Fields

I used to tell my husband that, if he could make me 'understand' something, it would be clear to all the other people in the country.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
Martin Luther

The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself.
Voltaire

Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Rita Rudner

My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Rita Rudner

I don't sit around thinking that I'd like to have another husband; only another man would make me think that way.
Lauren Bacall

I think the best thing I can do is to be a distraction. A husband lives and breathes his work all day long. If he comes home to more table thumping, how can the poor man ever relax?
Jackie Kennedy

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.
Joan Rivers

Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
Joan Rivers

I sent my flowers across the hall to Mrs Nixon but her husband remembered what a Democrat I am and sent them back.
Bette Davis

I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Milton Berle

Just don't go to a place where everything is too expensive... it'll put your husband in a bad mood.
Diane von Furstenberg

The impulse of the American woman to geld her husband and castrate her sons is very strong.
John Steinbeck

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.
Orson Welles