Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Steven Wright

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
Mitch Hedberg

I was raised to believe that excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism. And that's how I operate my life.
Oprah Winfrey

Unless you choose to do great things with it, it makes no difference how much you are rewarded, or how much power you have.
Oprah Winfrey

It does not matter how you came into the world, what matters is that you are here.
Oprah Winfrey

How young can you die of old age?
Steven Wright

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.
Steven Wright

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
Steven Wright

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Steven Wright

I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.
Pablo Picasso

Twinkle, twinkle little bat How I wonder what you're at! Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Lewis Carroll

Why do two colors, put one next to the other, sing? Can one really explain this? no. Just as one can never learn how to paint.
Pablo Picasso

Find out how much God has given you and from it take what you need; the remainder is needed by others.
Saint Augustine

Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

No one would talk much in society if they knew how often they misunderstood others.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

A noble person attracts noble people, and knows how to hold on to them.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The most happy man is he who knows how to bring into relation the end and beginning of his life.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

One must ask children and birds how cherries and strawberries taste.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

He who has a task to perform must know how to take sides, or he is quite unworthy of it.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe