I wanted to be the first woman to burn her bra, but it would have taken the fire department four days to put it out.
Dolly Parton

It was said of old Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough, that she never puts dots over her I s, to save ink.
Horace Walpole

You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
George W. Bush

The greatness of America lies not in being more enlightened than any other nation, but rather in her ability to repair her faults.
Alexis de Tocqueville

The impulse of the American woman to geld her husband and castrate her sons is very strong.
John Steinbeck

When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch.
Bette Davis

The best time I ever had with Joan Crawford was when I pushed her down the stairs in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?
Bette Davis

I sent my flowers across the hall to Mrs Nixon but her husband remembered what a Democrat I am and sent them back.
Bette Davis

Some men know that a light touch of the tongue, running from a woman's toes to her ears, lingering in the softest way possible in various places in between, given often enough and sincerely enough, would add immeasurably to world peace.
Marianne Williamson

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.
Henny Youngman

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Henny Youngman

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Henny Youngman

I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.
James A. Baldwin

She believed in nothing; only her skepticism kept her from being an atheist.
Jean-Paul Sartre

It is those who concentrates on but one thing at a time who advance in this world. The great man or woman is the one who never steps outside his or her specialty or foolishly dissipates his or her individuality.
Og Mandino

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
Joey Adams

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, "Get the hell off my property."
Joan Rivers

Is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds.
Joan Rivers

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
George Bernard Shaw

Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.
Orson Welles