If we had more hell in the pulpit, we would have less hell in the pew.
Billy Graham

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield

Yes, and I had pimples so badly it used to make me so shy. I used not to look at myself. I'd hide my face in the dark, I wouldn't want to look in the mirror and my father teased me and I just hated it and I cried everyday.
Michael Jackson

You know, let's put it this way, if all the people in Hollywood who have had plastic surgery, if they went on vacation, there wouldn't be a person left in town.
Michael Jackson

Because I wanted to have a place that I could create everything that I that I never had as a child. So, you see rides. You see animals. There's a movie theater.
Michael Jackson

Well Brooke, I've always liked her, and when I was little I used to stay with Diana Ross, me and my brothers stayed with her for years and I never said, but I always had a crush on her.
Michael Jackson

There were times when I had great times with my brothers, pillow fights and things, but I was, used to always cry from loneliness.
Michael Jackson

To say that any people are not fit for freedom, is to make poverty their choice, and to say they had rather be loaded with taxes than not.
Thomas Paine

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Stephen Leacock

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Jack Benny

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam - oh wait, he does.
Ann Coulter

I might have had trouble saving France in 1946 - I didn't have television then.
Charles de Gaulle

Life is to be lived. If you have to support yourself, you had bloody well better find some way that is going to be interesting. And you don't do that by sitting around.
Katharine Hepburn

By faithfulness we are collected and wound up into unity within ourselves, whereas we had been scattered abroad in multiplicity.
Saint Augustine

God had one son on earth without sin, but never one without suffering.
Saint Augustine

Nature has always had more force than education.
Voltaire