Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.
Steven Wright

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
Steven Wright

My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
Steven Wright

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.
Ogden Nash

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.
Ogden Nash

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.
Ogden Nash

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
Will Rogers

The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
Will Rogers

Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
Will Rogers

There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
Will Rogers

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Will Rogers

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
Will Rogers

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
Will Rogers

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
Will Rogers

The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
Will Rogers

I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.
Will Rogers

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?"
Will Rogers

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
Will Rogers

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
Will Rogers