A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in.
Irvin S. Cobb

A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers.
Eddie Cantor

A wedding is just like a funeral except that you get to smell your own flowers.
Grace Hansen

An obituary should be an exercise in contemporary history, not a funeral oration.
Peter Utley

And whoever walks a furlong without sympathy walks to his own funeral drest in his shroud.
Walt Whitman

Anything awful makes me laugh. I misbehaved once at a funeral.
Charles Lamb

As soon as people see my face on a movie screen, they knew two things: first, I'm not going to get the girl, and second, I'll get a cheap funeral before the picture is over.
Lee Marvin

But there, everything has its drawbacks, as the man said when his mother-in-law died, and they came down upon him for the funeral expenses.
Jerome K. Jerome

Each family of the United States military now attends to their loved ones funeral with a wrenching worry that it will be met possibly with a protest or a demonstration.
Steve Buyer

Funeral by funeral, theory advances.
Paul Samuelson

Funeral pomp is more for the vanity of the living than for the honor of the dead.
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

He came to the States in 1963, I think with a view to making up with my mother, but that didn't work. He came for three weeks, and drank his way all over Brooklyn. And went back... I went to his funeral in Belfast.
Frank McCourt

I checked myself out in that funeral parlour scene. I saw myself laughing, because there was a shot of Ed and I together and Mary was right in back of us. My head turned from the camera and I saw myself laughing, because Mary was absolutely brilliant in that thing.
Gavin MacLeod

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain

I got asked by a freelance journalist to jump in front of Princess Diana's funeral. How pathetic is that? That would have been the stupidest thing on the planet.
Mark Roberts

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Steven Wright

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.
Erma Bombeck

I seldom go into a natural history museum without feeling as if I were attending a funeral.
John Burroughs

I shall never forget the despair and agony on the parents' faces on the awful day of the funeral when the 13 little children, victims not only of John D. Rockefeller, but of the government of the state of Colorado were buried.
Ella R. Bloor

I used to work in a funeral home to feel good about myself, just the fact that I was breathing.
Chuck Palahniuk