I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright

I have Social Disease. I have to go out every night. If I stay home one night I start spreading rumors to my dogs.
Andy Warhol

I'm the type who'd be happy not going anywhere as long as I was sure I knew exactly what was happening at the places I wasn't going to. I'm the type who'd like to sit home and watch every party that I'm invited to on a monitor in my bedroom.
Andy Warhol

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.
Ogden Nash

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?
Ogden Nash

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.
Ogden Nash

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.
Ogden Nash

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.
Ogden Nash

You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
Will Rogers

So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
Will Rogers

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?"
Will Rogers

The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
Will Rogers

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields

I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
W. C. Fields

There's place and means for every man alive.
William Shakespeare

Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind.
William Shakespeare

Where every something, being blent together turns to a wild of nothing.
William Shakespeare