I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Steven Wright

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar."
Steven Wright

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
Erma Bombeck

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
Erma Bombeck

You use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren't allowed to be normal.
Johnny Depp

Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.
Will Rogers

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
Will Rogers

What's great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest.
Andy Warhol

What is the price of experience? Do men buy it for a song? Or wisdom for a dance in the street? No, it is bought with the price of all the man hath, his house, his wife, his children.
William Blake

I spent my whole life in the private sector, 25 years in the private sector. I understand that when government takes more money out of the hands of people, it makes it more difficult for them to buy things. If they can't buy things, the economy doesn't grow. If the economy doesn't grow, we don't put Americans to work.
Mitt Romney

It's a complete lie, why do people buy these papers? It's not the truth I'm here to say. You know, don't judge a person, do not pass judgement, unless you have talked to them one on one. I don't care what the story is, do not judge them because it is a lie.
Michael Jackson

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?
Ogden Nash

Buy a steak for a player on another club after the game, but don't even speak to him on the field. Get out there and beat them to death.
Leo Durocher

Humanity I love you because when you're hard up you pawn your intelligence to buy a drink.
e. e. cummings

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
Henny Youngman

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
Henny Youngman

The burden of originality is one that most people don't want to accept. They'd rather sit in front of the TV and let that tell them what they're supposed to like, what they're supposed to buy, and what they're supposed to laugh at.
Marilyn Manson

To buy books would be a good thing if we also could buy the time to read them.
Arthur Schopenhauer

Buying books would be a good thing if one could also buy the time to read them in: but as a rule the purchase of books is mistaken for the appropriation of their contents.
Arthur Schopenhauer

Number one, cash is king... number two, communicate... number three, buy or bury the competition.
Jack Welch