When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.
Bob Hope

I asked a ref if he could give me a technical foul for thinking bad things about him. He said, of course not. I said, well, I think you stink. And he gave me a technical. You can't trust em.
Jim Valvano

In the Bible it says they asked Jesus how many times you should forgive, and he said 70 times 7. Well, I want you all to know that I'm keeping a chart.
Hillary Clinton

In the past, TSR and now Wizards of the Coast have asked me to do game stats for my characters, and I'm never comfortable doing that. It's all relative after all.
R. A. Salvatore

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Emo Philips

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
Emo Philips

I was 18 when I started. I was hanging out with some friends and they asked if I had tried stand-up before. I hadn't, but I thought: 'What the hell?' So I went to an open mic night, and I liked it.
Aziz Ansari

Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
Billy Connolly

It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
Rita Rudner

I was asked to memorise what I did not understand; and, my memory being so good, it refused to be insulted in that manner.
Aleister Crowley

Advancement only comes with habitually doing more than you are asked.
Gary Ryan Blair

When you're asked to fly a 747 you better at least be able to fly a Piper cub.
Edward James Olmos

You never have to know all the answers because you won't be asked all the questions.
Herbert Prochnow

The enemy fought with savage fury, and met death with all its horrors, without shrinking or complaining: not one asked to be spared, but fought as long as they could stand or sit.
Davy Crockett

Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.
Ovid

I get asked that a lot and I really don't.
Frank Lampard

This is a fault common to all singers, that among their friends they will never sing when they are asked; unasked, they will never desist.
Horace

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
Robert Benchley

The basic policy of the British Government was that since the majority of people in Northern Ireland wished to remain in the United Kingdom, that was that. We asked what would happen if the majority wanted something else, if the majority wanted to see Irish unity.
John Hume

But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh.
Carol Burnett