In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
Woody Allen

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
Woody Allen

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
Woody Allen

Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.
Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Woody Allen

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Woody Allen

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
Woody Allen

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Woody Allen