Woody Allen Quotes

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

Die, Afraid, Happens

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen

Work, Through, Dying

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.
Woody Allen

Good, Practice, Lover

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen

Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen

Marriage, Hope, Death

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.
Woody Allen

Live, Give, Hundred

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Woody Allen

Proud, Watch, Gold

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
Woody Allen

Sleep, Lie, Together

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Woody Allen

Life, Success, Percent

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
Woody Allen

Mistakes, Makes, Taught

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
Woody Allen

God, Atheist, Loyal

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Woody Allen

Him, Dead, Call

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen

Time, Fun, Rest

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Woody Allen

Movies, Show, Films

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.
Woody Allen

Done, Down, Few

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen

Die, Afraid, Happens

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen

Food, Why, Beverage

I am two with nature.
Woody Allen

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.
Woody Allen

Away, Shows, Tv

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
Woody Allen

Nature, Time, Everything

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen

Happen, Fine, Eternal

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen

Funny, Life, Change

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
Woody Allen

Guilty, Second, Played

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen

Funny, Job, Person

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
Woody Allen

Away, Television, Shows

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: December 1, 1935

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