Tim Allen Quotes

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.
Tim Allen

Friendship, Humor, Best

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen

Funny, Good, Men

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Tim Allen

Women, End, Sometimes

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Tim Allen

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.
Tim Allen

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.
Tim Allen

Children, Around, Motorcycle

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.
Tim Allen

Mean, Place, Fair

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
Tim Allen

Work, Women, Men

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
Tim Allen

I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
Tim Allen

Good, Positive, Liar

Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
Tim Allen

Men, Bad, Everything

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
Tim Allen

Trust, End, Woman

I do a lot of family shows.
Tim Allen

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?
Tim Allen

Best, Democracy, Understand

I have a thing for tools.
Tim Allen

I have an only child. She's so independent and good with adults.
Tim Allen

Good, Child, She

I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.
Tim Allen

Father, Losing, Kid

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.
Tim Allen

Life, Love, Artist

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.
Tim Allen

Women, Car, Everybody

I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.
Tim Allen

Love, Marriage, Play

I'm a creative guy, artistically with graphics.
Tim Allen

Creative, Guy, Graphics

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
Tim Allen

Marriage, Compromise, Nurtures

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.
Tim Allen

Time, Experience, Down

In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.
Tim Allen

Women, Men, Best

Nothing's as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
Tim Allen

Care, Nothing, Real

Share with your Friends

Everyone likes a good quote - don't forget to share.

Biography

Nationality: American

Born: June 13, 1953

Links

Find on Amazon: Tim Allen

Cite this Page: Citation

Popular Topics

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Related Authors

George Carlin
Bill Cosby
Groucho Marx
Mitch Hedberg
Steven Wright
Lucille Ball
W. C. Fields
Rodney Dangerfield
More

Get Social with BrainyQuote

BrainyQuote Desktop

BrainyQuote Mobile

Site

Quote of the Day

Social

BQ on Pinterest

Syndication

Funny Quote Feed

Love Quote Feed

Nature Quote Feed

About Us