Quote of the Day
Steven Wright Quotes
- Page 5
I'm seeing the world partially through the eyes of a kid. Not all the time. There's no black and white to it. But sometimes I'm seeing it like I'm 4.
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.
I just have a relationship with my imagination. It's like my friend, almost.
I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.
I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
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