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Steven Wright Quotes
- Page 5
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.
My act is an exaggeration of a part of me. I'm much more expressive off stage.
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.
Childhood was very nice. The only thing wrong was that I was so introverted, everything became a big deal... 'Oh, no, here comes the bus. Where am I gonna sit on the bus?'
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.
I'm going to get an MRI to find out whether I have claustrophobia.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.
I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
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W. C. Fields
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