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Steven Wright Quotes |
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Type: Comedian Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Date of Birth: December 6, 1955 Nationality: American Find on Amazon: Steven Wright Related Authors: George Carlin Bill Cosby Groucho Marx W. C. Fields Mitch Hedberg Jack Benny Rodney Dangerfield Bob Hope |
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If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
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Steven Wright If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? Steven Wright If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? Steven Wright If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses. Steven Wright If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? Steven Wright If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? Steven Wright If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? Steven Wright If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? Steven Wright If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? Steven Wright In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. Steven Wright Is it weird in here, or is it just me? Steven Wright It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. Steven Wright Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday. Steven Wright Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish. Steven Wright My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant. Steven Wright My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. Steven Wright My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. Steven Wright |
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