Steven Wright Quotes

At one point he decided enough was enough.
Steven Wright

Enough, Point, Decided

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Steven Wright

Time, Water, Add

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
Steven Wright

Girl, Wonderful, She

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
Steven Wright

God, Down, Speeding

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
Steven Wright

Down, Street, Walking

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
Steven Wright

Last, Year, Fish

I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
Steven Wright

Money, Said, Asked

The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
Steven Wright

Uh

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?
Steven Wright

Guy, Kid, Asked

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Steven Wright

Children, Purpose, Few

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Steven Wright

Write, Million, Monkey

On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Steven Wright

Different, Hand, Fingers

I saw a bank that said '24 Hour Banking,' but I don't have that much time.
Steven Wright

Time, Said, Hour

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
Steven Wright

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk.
Steven Wright

Him, Talk, Hear

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.
Steven Wright

Museum, Museums, Arms

Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
Steven Wright

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'
Steven Wright

Said, Asked, Canada

So, do you live around here often?
Steven Wright

Live, Around, Here

I invented the cordless extension cord.
Steven Wright

Cord, Invented, Extension

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
Steven Wright

General, Store, Buy

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.
Steven Wright

Pet, Lost, Somewhere

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright

Simple, Everybody, List

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: December 6, 1955

Links

Find on Amazon: Steven Wright

Cite this Page: Citation

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