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Steven Wright Quotes |
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Type: Comedian Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Date of Birth: December 6, 1955 Nationality: American Find on Amazon: Steven Wright Related Authors: George Carlin Bill Cosby Groucho Marx W. C. Fields Mitch Hedberg Jack Benny Rodney Dangerfield Bob Hope |
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I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
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Steven Wright I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding. Steven Wright I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Wright I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. Steven Wright I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. Steven Wright I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything. Steven Wright I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. Steven Wright I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out. Steven Wright I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast. Steven Wright I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.' Steven Wright I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Steven Wright I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically. Steven Wright I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. Steven Wright I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar." Steven Wright I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. Steven Wright I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose. Steven Wright I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Steven Wright I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography. Steven Wright If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Steven Wright If God dropped acid, would he see people? Steven Wright |
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