I can't prove it, but I can say it.
Stephen Colbert

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.
Stephen Colbert

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.
Stephen Colbert

I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.
Stephen Colbert

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.
Stephen Colbert

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
Stephen Colbert

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'
Stephen Colbert

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?
Stephen Colbert

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.
Stephen Colbert

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.
Stephen Colbert


Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.
Stephen Colbert

You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.
Stephen Colbert