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If you're not happy before you're successful, you're going to be miserable when you do become successful because all your problems just get magnified.
Who the heck is Donald Trump to fire me? I regret I didn't tell Donald Trump, 'You need to fire your barber. I'm sorry. I ain't feeling you, man. You're fired! I fire you, Donald Trump.'
I spent money, and I kept thinking, 'I get one more movie and I'll wipe these bills out,' but that movie never came. That black pride, I said, 'Man, I'm going to hang in there, I'm going to pay these bills.' So you owe a million dollars. 'I can pay that.' OK, fines, fees, now you owe two and a half million. 'But I didn't do nothin'!'
Don't let people treat you like you're stupid. If it sounds too good to be true, it is.
We all want something else other than what we have and don't realize what you got works. It works. It does work. You gotta work. Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure.
I didn't buy Bentleys. I didn't live large. I invested in me. I invested in a lot of other people.
I would be an activist but never a politician. As an activist, nobody owns you.
There's no one defining moment that kills you or makes you.
I'm under stress. They killed me on wikipedia. They killed me. And I didn't stay dead long enough to sell no DVDs. I didn't even stay dead long enough - I was too stupid. I should've stayed low. I should've laid low. I could've been gone for a year; I'd have made money. And then I'd have risen from the dead.
We ask for way too much stuff - way too much stuff. You got a job making $100 a year and bought a house for $3 million. Talking about, 'I don't know what happened with the payment.'
Here's the thing about Apple, we complain and they give us more battery life. We complain and they'll give us more stuff. Everything's beta right now. Everything's experimental. They really don't know what people want.
I never should have done 'Celebrity Apprentice.' I didn't want to do it because I didn't want Donald Trump to say, 'You're fired.'
Hollywood's not a progressive place. Everyone likes to think that Hollywood is hip, but it's not hip at all.
I was in the Air Force and was a boom operator (in-flight refueling). I got my comedy start in the Air Force.
I've been on the road since 1983. Nothing ever changed, even when I was doing TV and movies.
People think comedians don't do drama. Comics are drama. And what is drama, as opposed to comedy? It's all the same to me.
If you got a name like Barack Obama, you're supposed to fight.
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I look back on my life like a good day's work, it was done and I am satisfied with it.
W. C. Fields
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