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Roseanne Barr Quotes
- Page 4
'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.
And, you know, I liked writing humor. Well, I should say, I wanted to write seriously, but it kept turning funny.
I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.
I am a woman, therefore I am a problem solver.
As Prime Minister of Israel, I will introduce a bill into the Knesset that will simply pay the Arabs not to shoot at the Jews.
The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.
My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.
I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show.
I actually get more conservative when I'm in Vegas.
I gave Joss Whedon and Judd Apatow their first writing jobs, as well as many other untried writers who went on to great success.
I'm God because I have the power to control my mind.
I'm not a politician. I think that uniquely qualifies me to become president of the U.S.
I'm very introspective, and I mostly don't talk to people. I get into a real quiet, meditative place.
My real life is funnier than anything on TV.
We're not meant to be parents when we're 50.
A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that.
I always was a writer, but then I wanted to do stand-up because I thought that was a way that I could perform what I wrote.
I loved comedy all my life. I think it's a real powerful art form.
The fact that my grown kids like to hang out with me, I mean, it just - I don't think it really can get any better than that, I don't think.
I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty.
I think I'm hysterical. I watch myself on tape and just roar - isn't that weird?
They've said 'Roseanne's nuts' for years, and now I'm going to make that a reality - I'm all about nuts now, macadamia nuts!
I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.
Anyone with a show on T.V. will tell you it's backbreaking work. And if you have a big personality, which I have, and you're a perfectionist, there's going to be head-butting.
I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.
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