Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
Rodney Dangerfield

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
Rodney Dangerfield

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
Rodney Dangerfield

My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
Rodney Dangerfield

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Rodney Dangerfield

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield

	Add the "Quote of the Day" to Your Site or Blog Now!
Home - Quote Topics - Quotes of the Day - Quote Keywords - Author Types - Quotation Trivia Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Type: Comedian Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Date of Birth: November 22, 1921 Date of Death: October 5, 2004 Nationality: American Find on Amazon: Rodney Dangerfield Related Authors: George Carlin Bill Cosby Steven Wright Groucho Marx W. C. Fields Mitch Hedberg Jack Benny Bob Hope	1 - 2 - 3 I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. Rodney Dangerfield I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. Rodney Dangerfield I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get. Rodney Dangerfield I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. Rodney Dangerfield If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Rodney Dangerfield It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. Rodney Dangerfield Life is just a bowl of pits. Rodney Dangerfield Men who do things without being told draw the most wages. Rodney Dangerfield Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about. Rodney Dangerfield My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock. Rodney Dangerfield My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. Rodney Dangerfield My mother had morning sickness after I was born. Rodney Dangerfield My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. Rodney Dangerfield My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. Rodney Dangerfield My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair. Rodney Dangerfield My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. Rodney Dangerfield My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. Rodney Dangerfield 1 - 2 - 3