Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Rodney Dangerfield

Parents, Found, Kid

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.
Rodney Dangerfield

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield

Girl, Night, Last

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield

Medical, Mother, Ugly

With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now, we'll never see each other!
Rodney Dangerfield

Sex, Wife, Nothing

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield

Wish, Wanted, Dying

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield

Morning, Mother, After

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield

General, Cigarette, Surgeon

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield

Parents, Tell, Radio

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
Rodney Dangerfield

Time, Acting, Himself

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield

Father, Around, Picture

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield

Home, Sexy, Wife

What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
Rodney Dangerfield

Pet, Dog, Favorite

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
Rodney Dangerfield

Good, Wife, Kids

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield

Birthday, Best, Respect

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage, Sleep, Everything

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield

Wife, Trying, Put

My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

Happy, Wife, Met

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield

Marriage, Wife, Again

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield

Mother, Friend, She

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
Rodney Dangerfield

Honest, Luck, Running

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: November 22, 1921

Died: October 5, 2004

Links

Find on Amazon: Rodney Dangerfield

Cite this Page: Citation

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