All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
Red Skelton

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
Red Skelton

Congress: Bingo with billions.
Red Skelton

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.
Red Skelton

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.
Red Skelton

His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.
Red Skelton

I left home because I was hungry.
Red Skelton

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.
Red Skelton

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.
Red Skelton

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.
Red Skelton

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.
Red Skelton

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.
Red Skelton

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.
Red Skelton