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Phyllis Diller Quotes |
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Type: Comedian Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Date of Birth: July 17, 1917 Nationality: American Find on Amazon: Phyllis Diller Related Authors: George Carlin Bill Cosby Steven Wright Groucho Marx W. C. Fields Mitch Hedberg Jack Benny Rodney Dangerfield Bob Hope |
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Phyllis Diller My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. Phyllis Diller My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. Phyllis Diller The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. Phyllis Diller The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing. Phyllis Diller The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? Phyllis Diller There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Phyllis Diller We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. Phyllis Diller Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. Phyllis Diller You know you're old if your walker has an airbag. Phyllis Diller |
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