Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
Paula Poundstone

I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.
Paula Poundstone

My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'
Paula Poundstone

The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.
Paula Poundstone

The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.
Paula Poundstone