A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.
Mort Sahl

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.
Mort Sahl

My life needs editing.
Mort Sahl

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.
Mort Sahl

Reagan won because he ran against Jimmy Carter. If he ran unopposed he would have lost.
Mort Sahl

Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Reagan couldn't tell the difference.
Mort Sahl