Mitch Hedberg Quotes

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.
Mitch Hedberg

Love, Sitting, Gambling

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
Mitch Hedberg

Before, Play, Wish

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
Mitch Hedberg

I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary.
Mitch Hedberg

Human, Once, Pyramid

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
Mitch Hedberg

If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work.
Mitch Hedberg

Work, Sure, Kid

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
Mitch Hedberg

Together, Whole, Once

I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
Mitch Hedberg

Remember, Used, Yeah

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.
Mitch Hedberg

Words, Last, Joke

It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
Mitch Hedberg

Football, Weird, Explain

Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes.
Mitch Hedberg

Eyes, Meat, Deli

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: February 24, 1968

Died: March 30, 2005

Links

Find on Amazon: Mitch Hedberg

Cite this Page: Citation

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