No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
Mark Twain

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
Mark Twain

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
Mark Twain

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.
Mark Twain

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
Mark Twain

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we."
Mark Twain

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
Mark Twain

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Mark Twain

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.
Mark Twain

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
Mark Twain

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
Mark Twain

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Mark Twain

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
Mark Twain

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.
Mark Twain

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.
Mark Twain

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
Mark Twain

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.
Mark Twain

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
Mark Twain