If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
Mark Twain

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
Mark Twain

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Mark Twain

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Mark Twain

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
Mark Twain

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
Mark Twain

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
Mark Twain

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.
Mark Twain

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Mark Twain

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
Mark Twain

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Mark Twain

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Mark Twain

It is easier to stay out than get out.
Mark Twain

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.
Mark Twain

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.
Mark Twain

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Mark Twain

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.
Mark Twain

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Mark Twain