Mark Twain Quotes

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.
Mark Twain

Education, Nothing, College

I can live for two months on a good compliment.
Mark Twain

Good, Live, Two

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
Mark Twain

Morning, Best, Job

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.
Mark Twain

Respect, Heart, Himself

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.
Mark Twain

Time, Cannot, Away

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
Mark Twain

Tell, Fish, Stories

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
Mark Twain

Money, Best, Honesty

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
Mark Twain

Sorry, Live, Die

Buy land, they're not making it anymore.
Mark Twain

Making, Land, Anymore

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
Mark Twain

Give, Word, Spell

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
Mark Twain

Courage, Moral, Common

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
Mark Twain

Loyalty, Human, Soul

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
Mark Twain

Truth, Sense, Wonder

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Mark Twain

Sports, Good, Lost

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Mark Twain

Sports, Good, Walk

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
Mark Twain

Idiot, Congress, Repeat

Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.
Mark Twain

Work, God, Tired

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
Mark Twain

Weather, Expect, Climate

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
Mark Twain

Humor, Human, Joy

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
Mark Twain

God, Freedom, Country

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
Mark Twain

Deserve, Honors

Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.
Mark Twain

Soul, Keep, Careless

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
Mark Twain

Great, Old, Known

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
Mark Twain

Love, Heart, Brain

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
Mark Twain

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Biography

Nationality: American

Type: Author

Born: November 30, 1835

Died: April 21, 1910

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