A real estate closer. Oh, what's that? I'm a real estate opener. What is a real estate closer? You mean at the end where you've got to sign all those papers?
Louie Anderson

Dr. Phil was very helpful and caring. I believe he helped all of us there and watching how to better relate, understand, and communicate with our families and loved ones. Dr. Phil recommended reading my new book.
Louie Anderson

I felt ashamed for what I had done. I don't have any excuses. I did what I did. I take full responsibility for myself and my actions. I wouldn't pawn this off on anybody. I'm sorry it happened. And I hurt people.
Louie Anderson

I have a very warm spot in my heart for Vegas.
Louie Anderson

I started a big part of my career in Vegas.
Louie Anderson

I was with a famous comedian when a young fan walked up and asked for an autograph. The comedian blew him off. I'll never forget the look on the young boy's face. He was devastated.
Louie Anderson

I'm a 7 o'clock act. My people want to go to a show, a dinner and then go home and go to bed.
Louie Anderson

I've been in Vegas. That's where you get into the money thing. Boy, you get greedy in Vegas, you know. That's the only place that you can bet $25, get it up to $500 and refuse to quit.
Louie Anderson

Minnesotans really think they run the whole world, I love that.
Louie Anderson

We all think we're going to get out of debt.
Louie Anderson


We were on welfare when we were kids. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Louie Anderson

You have to be funny about it and honest about it. You can't leave yourself out of that mix. You have to be honest enough to say, I'm that messed-up one in the family.
Louie Anderson