Lewis Black Quotes

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
Lewis Black

Voting, Gone, Lifetime

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
Lewis Black

Funny, Made, Corn

If you're working out in front of a mirror and watching your muscles grow, your ego has reached a point where it is now eating itself. That's why I believe there should be a psychiatrist at every health club, so that when they see you doing this, they will take you away for a little chat.
Lewis Black

Health, Ego, Why

Republicans have nothing but bad ideas and Democrats have no ideas.
Lewis Black

Politics, Bad, Nothing

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.
Lewis Black

Love, Find, Sense

And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye.
Lewis Black

Morning, Nothing, Learn

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.
Lewis Black

Funny, Milk, Juice

It's absolutely stupid that we live without an ozone layer. We have men, we've got rockets, we've got saran wrap - fix it!
Lewis Black

Men, Stupid, Live

A father and two sons run Adelphia. It's a cable company. And they took from that company a billion dollars. A billion. Three people - three people took a billion dollars. What were they gonna do, start their own space program? 'Let's send the monkey to Mars, Dad!'
Lewis Black

Dad, Father, Two

I love anything that gets me outside of my own head.
Lewis Black

Love, Head, Outside

If the people of New Zealand want to be part of our world, I believe they should hop off their islands, and push 'em closer.
Lewis Black

Off, Push, Closer

I'm a Jew.
Lewis Black

I believe that summer is our time, a time for the people, and that no politician should be allowed to speak to us during the summer. They can start talking again after Labor Day.
Lewis Black

Time, After, Start

Online, there's no time. It's always Christmas.
Lewis Black

Time, Christmas, Online

You realize that for all the shenanigans that go on in the big circus of politics, everybody wakes up and goes to work.
Lewis Black

Work, Politics, Big

Basically, I started on stage yelling and I kept yelling, and then I yelled some more, and then I yelled even louder. I'm modulated now.
Lewis Black

Started, Stage, Kept

Everybody's got cable.
Lewis Black

Everybody, Cable

I do the same gig. I might change it a little; I might slow it down if I'm in the South. I talk fast, and they're not used to people talking that fast.
Lewis Black

Change, Down, Same

I don't need politicians doing a 24-hour prayer with Oral Roberts to get our country back on track.
Lewis Black

Country, Prayer, Track

I get an idea about something. I just start thinking about it, and then I get onstage and I talk about it, and then I think about it some more and talk about it some more, and think about it some more and talk about it some more, until it starts to take a shape.
Lewis Black

Thinking, Talk, Start

I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.
Lewis Black

Father, Playing, Started

I think comics in New York are interested in being comics. And there're comics in L.A. who are touring comics, who are certainly more interested in stand-up, but a lot of L.A. stand-ups are really looking to do something else.
Lewis Black

Else, Looking, Interested

I think one reason people play golf is it allows them to obsess about something other than the daily crap. It takes your mind off that.
Lewis Black

Mind, Daily, Play

I was broke until I was 40. Really broke. I could get by, but I had nothing.
Lewis Black

Nothing, Until, Broke

I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.
Lewis Black

Waiting, Enough, Play

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Biography

Nationality: American

Born: August 30, 1948

Links

Find on Amazon: Lewis Black

Cite this Page: Citation

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