I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.
Larry David

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.
Larry David

I'm a walking, talking enigma.
Larry David

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.
Larry David

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.
Larry David

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.
Larry David

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.
Larry David

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.
Larry David

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time.
Larry David

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.
Larry David

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.
Larry David

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!
Larry David

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.
Larry David

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.
Larry David

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.
Larry David

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.
Larry David

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.
Larry David

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.
Larry David

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.
Larry David

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.
Larry David