But that was war. Just about all he could find in its favor was that it paid well and liberated children from the pernicious influence of their parents.
Joseph Heller

Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
Joseph Heller

Every writer I know has trouble writing.
Joseph Heller

Frankly, I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private industry.
Joseph Heller

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Joseph Heller

He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
Joseph Heller

He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
Joseph Heller

Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
Joseph Heller

I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
Joseph Heller

I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
Joseph Heller


I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.
Joseph Heller

I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
Joseph Heller

I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to private individuals.
Joseph Heller

Lots of people who complained about us receiving the MBE received theirs for heroism in the war - for killing people. We received ours for entertaining other people. I'd say we deserve ours more.
Joseph Heller

Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
Joseph Heller

Rise above principle and do what's right.
Joseph Heller

Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Joseph Heller

Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
Joseph Heller

The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
Joseph Heller

There was only one catch and that was Catch-22. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.
Joseph Heller