All the flower children were as alike as a congress of accountants and about as interesting.
John Mortimer

Farce is tragedy played at a thousand revolutions per minute.
John Mortimer

I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
John Mortimer

I suppose that writers should, in a way, feel flattered by the censorship laws. They show a primitive fear and dread at the fearful magic of print.
John Mortimer

No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean finger nails.
John Mortimer

The freedom to make a fortune on the stock exchange has been made to sound more alluring than freedom of speech.
John Mortimer

The only rule I have found to have any validity in writing is not to bore yourself.
John Mortimer

The shelf life of the modern hardback writer is somewhere between the milk and the yogurt.
John Mortimer

The worst fault of the working classes is telling their children they're not going to succeed.
John Mortimer

There is always time for failure.
John Mortimer


There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.
John Mortimer

To escape jury duty in England, wear a bowler hat and carry a copy of the Daily telegraph.
John Mortimer