Joe E. Lewis Quotes

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
Joe E. Lewis

Funny, Else, Anyone

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.
Joe E. Lewis

Drunk, Holding, Floor

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
Joe E. Lewis

Diet, Tired, Doctor

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
Joe E. Lewis

Funny, Love, Might

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.
Joe E. Lewis

Work, Live, Enough

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
Joe E. Lewis

Show, Both, Feet

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.
Joe E. Lewis

Someone, Water, Dirty

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.
Joe E. Lewis

Work, Enough, Young

It pays to get drunk with the best people.
Joe E. Lewis

Best, Drunk, Pays

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.
Joe E. Lewis

Friend, Show, Pest

I drink to forget I drink.
Joe E. Lewis

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
Joe E. Lewis

Remember, Chasing

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.
Joe E. Lewis

Time, Saying, Wrong

I always wake up at the crack of ice.
Joe E. Lewis

Ice, Wake, Crack

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.
Joe E. Lewis

Next, Drink, Dean

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
Joe E. Lewis

Money, Actually, Nerves

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.
Joe E. Lewis

Sports, Play, Won

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.
Joe E. Lewis

Stand, Noise, Bomb

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.
Joe E. Lewis

Around, Losing, Taken

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.
Joe E. Lewis

Friend, Him, Dangerous

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
Joe E. Lewis

Money, Long, Rich

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.
Joe E. Lewis

Money, Show, Bum

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
Joe E. Lewis

Money, Poverty, Won

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.
Joe E. Lewis

Everything, Inside, Decided

We can afford almost any mistake once.
Joe E. Lewis

Once, Almost, Mistake

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Biography

Nationality: American

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Cite this Page: Citation

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