Quote of the Day
Jimmy Kimmel Quotes
When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don't really remember until you're on the radio again, sometimes in your old radio station and sitting with the guys you used to work with and you go, 'Oh yeah, I can't say these things anymore. I'm handcuffed.'
Almost every week, someone's mad at me.
It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.
At the Emmys, you've got a bunch of people who are used to being on TV on TV. You don't have that at the Oscars. At the Oscars, you have people who are used to having 40 takes.
There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.
I go to Costco every weekend. It's my favorite part of the week.
Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion.
You can say Pizza Hut is terrible pizza, but they also sell more pizzas than anybody else.
I have had a lot of experience in broadcasting.
I'm a creative consultant, whatever that means.
If I have one criticism of the other late-night shows, it's that they're almost entirely scripted.
My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are.
When you know someone you can make a little more fun of them without them getting offended.
You don't need to exorcise your personal demons onstage.
I describe myself as a human being.
The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the reality of it.
I can't be as flip as I once was.
I did not have any delusions of grandeur as a kid.
I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.
I have like fifteen televisions in my house.
I know there are, like, 12 rules for late night: a desk, a band. Will people take me seriously if I don't wear a tie?
I never imagined being on television.
I only get unusual ailments.
I'm a terrible golfer.
My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians.
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