A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.
Jerry Lewis

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
Jerry Lewis

I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.
Jerry Lewis

I get paid for what most kids get punished for.
Jerry Lewis

I've had great success being a total idiot.
Jerry Lewis

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.
Jerry Lewis

Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!
Jerry Lewis

We're leaving the House to people who either were born with a silver spoon in their mouth... or couldn't get better jobs in the first place.
Jerry Lewis

When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience.
Jerry Lewis