If you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Kool Whip on the side, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck.
Jeff Foxworthy

It's a weird sensation to be mad and learning at the same time.
Jeff Foxworthy

It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Jeff Foxworthy

Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
Jeff Foxworthy

My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
Jeff Foxworthy

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.
Jeff Foxworthy

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
Jeff Foxworthy

Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.
Jeff Foxworthy

People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school.
Jeff Foxworthy

Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling.
Jeff Foxworthy

That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
Jeff Foxworthy

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.
Jeff Foxworthy

The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He's got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.
Jeff Foxworthy

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
Jeff Foxworthy

The stuff that made me mad 20 years ago doesn't really make me mad any more.
Jeff Foxworthy

There's no down time any more.
Jeff Foxworthy