Jay London Quotes

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
Jay London

Funny, Father, Put

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.
Jay London

Training, Off, Military

I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
Jay London

Funny, Morning, Hair

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
Jay London

May, Cause, Enhancing

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
Jay London

End, Said, Worry

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London

Funny, Free, Getting

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.
Jay London

Dad, Music, Father

At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?
Jay London

Country, Light, Leave

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.
Jay London

Worry, Wants, Identity

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.
Jay London

After, Pride, Cause

I once dated a weather girl, we talked up a storm.
Jay London

Girl, Storm, Weather

I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.
Jay London

Said, Else, Left

I saw a stationery store move.
Jay London

I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.
Jay London

Lonely, Here, Road

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.
Jay London

Asked, Store, Kicked

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.
Jay London

My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.
Jay London

Him, Boss, Gear

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
Jay London

Her, Girlfriend, Crabs

You know what burns me? Matches.
Jay London

A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked.
Jay London

Job, Guy, Questions

A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
Jay London

Rock, Window, Involves

Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
Jay London

Today, Tomorrow

Do you know it was a year a ago today?
Jay London

Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?
Jay London

I model irregular clothing.
Jay London

Model, Clothing, Irregular

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Biography

Nationality: American

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