The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
Jay Leno

The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
Jay Leno

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno

The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.
Jay Leno

The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
Jay Leno

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!
Jay Leno

Today, one year after their divorce, Pamela and Tommy Lee announced they're getting back together. You know what that means? There's still hope for Ike and Tina Turner.
Jay Leno

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.
Jay Leno

You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch.
Jay Leno

You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
Jay Leno