Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?
Jackie Mason

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Jackie Mason

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Jackie Mason

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.
Jackie Mason

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.
Jackie Mason

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.
Jackie Mason