There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, "Yes," you know he is a crook.
Groucho Marx

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Groucho Marx

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Groucho Marx

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
Groucho Marx

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
Groucho Marx

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
Groucho Marx

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Groucho Marx

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Groucho Marx

Women should be obscene and not heard.
Groucho Marx