Quote of the Day
George Carlin Quotes
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Quotes about George Carlin
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