George Burns Quotes

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
George Burns

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
George Burns

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
George Burns

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
George Burns

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.
George Burns

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.
George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.
George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
George Burns

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
George Burns

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.
George Burns

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
George Burns

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
George Burns

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns

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George Burns Quotes

Type: Comedian Quotes Category: American Comedian Quotes Date of Birth: January 20, 1896 Date of Death: March 9, 1996 Nationality: American Find on Amazon: George Burns Related Authors: George Carlin Bill Cosby Steven Wright Groucho Marx W. C. Fields Mitch Hedberg Jack Benny Rodney Dangerfield Bob Hope	1 - 2 I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. George Burns If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it. George Burns If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it. George Burns If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. George Burns It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere. George Burns It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. George Burns Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life. George Burns Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere. George Burns Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples. George Burns Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. George Burns The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. George Burns The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. George Burns This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two. George Burns Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair. George Burns Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair. George Burns When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick. George Burns You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old. George Burns You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. George Burns You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made. George Burns 1 - 2