Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
George Burns

At my age flowers scare me.
George Burns

Be quick to learn and wise to know.
George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
George Burns

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
George Burns

How can I die? I'm booked.
George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns


I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
George Burns

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
George Burns

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
George Burns

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
George Burns

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
George Burns

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
George Burns

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
George Burns

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
George Burns