I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
Fred Allen

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
Fred Allen

It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
Fred Allen

Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you.
Fred Allen

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Fred Allen

Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Fred Allen

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen

Television is the triumph of machine over people.
Fred Allen

The advertising world had space men in it before spacemen existed.
Fred Allen

The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
Fred Allen

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
Fred Allen

The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
Fred Allen

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Fred Allen

Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
Fred Allen

We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
Fred Allen

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
Fred Allen

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen